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Kurt Luchs 27 October 2017 The Food and Drug Administration has issued a Halloween Candy Advisory for the following sweets and snacks. Many are believed to originate in Eastern Europe or China as deliberate attempts to confuse consumers and flood the market with inferior sound-alike brands that taste even more disgusting than they sound. Obviously this is a completely inappropriate way to honor an innocent national holiday that just happens to have its origins in a Witches' Sabbath. Do NOT allow your children to ingest any of these candies and other delicacies if they should happen to receive them while Trick or Treating. Gag Reflex Surprise Three Muskrats Bar Herpes Kisses Yeast Bombs E. Coli Cola Loose Stool Caramels Sidewalks of New York Assortment Sneakers Bar Cat Box Granola Mix Sweat Tarts Kurt LuchsKurt Luchs has written humor for the Onion, the New Yorker, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency, as well as for television (Politically Incorrect and the Late Late Show) and radio (American Comedy Network). He founded and edits the literary humor site TheBigJewel.com. Sagging Meniscus Press recently published his humor collection, It's Funny Until Someone Loses an Eye (Then It's Really Funny).
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FDA Halloween Candy Advisory

Published 4m ago -

Kurt Luchs 27 October 2017   The Food and Drug Administration has issued a Halloween Candy Advisory for the following sweets and snacks. Many are believed to originate in Eastern Europe or China as deliberate attempts to confuse consumers and flood the ma... More »

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Twitter Campaign Shames Mafia Boss

Published 8m ago -

Justin Key 26 June 2017 Six months ago, during a particularly tense encounter with his father, Johnny “The Hornet” Teragio came out of the closet to his father, Jimmy “The Bull” Teragio, the head of the Teragio crime family. Unsure of w... More »

Student Uses Jail as Get Out of Debt Free Card

Published 11m ago -

By Derek Langston A recent Northwestern graduate, who wishes to remain anonymous, has been hanging out in some of Chicago’s most dangerous neighborhoods in the hopes he might falsely get convicted of murder. When asked the obvious question of ‘why?’ by a... More »

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Alternative Hypothesis of the Oedipus Complex: Little P. Stor

Published 1y ago -

Elena Cherepanov, PhD 19 December 2016 Abstract The author argues that the true OC (Oedipus complex) comes from identification with the family’s pet rather than identification with the father, as previously thought.  In the classic scenario, the OC is inter... More »

The Ugly American Runs for President

Published 1y ago -

By Edward Stanton 19 September 2016 It’s been almost sixty years since William J. Lederer and Eugene Burdick’s The Ugly American rose to the top of bestseller lists, ran through twenty printings and stunned both the reading public and the foreign policy co... More »

“Find My Spy” App Exposes Spies Worldwide

Published 1y ago -

By Chris T. Hackett 28 August 2016 Last month at a secret hacker conference, known only “Future Cons,” a stunning announcement was made. Hackers released a smart phone app that exposes the secret agents working for America’s intelligence organizations. C... More »

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Trump Shocker: “It was All a Joke”

Published 2y ago -

By James C. Coomer 13 July 2016 Donald Trump’s Acceptance Speech to Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio, July 2016 Thank you, thank you. It has been a long campaign.  I have traveled the length and breadth of this country, at my own expense be... More »

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Donald Trump Chooses His Own Ego as Running Mate

Published 2y ago -

By Robert Friedman 30 May 2016 Donald Trump, the Republican nominee for President, today announced that he has selected his own ego as his running mate. “I gave this a lot of thought,” Trump told reporters at a campaign event at Trump Tower.  “I’m a b... More »

The Wall: If You Fix It, They Won’t Come

Published 2y ago -

The Wall a novel by Nathan Wisft Reviewed by Paul Zakaras 23 May 2016 “Nightmare land down there, ol’ buddy,” a character in Nathan Wisft’s sci-fi novel, The Wall, tells his lover. “Power going off, sewers bubbling up, and that bad chicken’s giving... More »

The New Mayan Math

Published 2y ago -

By Phillip Parotti 19 May 2016 From: Arthur Winterbourne, Dean, East Redford College To: Dr. Freda Tizzanetski-Gonzalez, Department of Mathematics Dear Dr. Tizzanetski-Gonzalez: Thank you for bringing to my attention your view that our completely bankrupt whit... More »

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