America's Most Critical Journal since 1999
Silent Night, Holy Night Sona Lea Dombourian I have changed my foreign ways and am reborn. Imbued with the Spirit, I will go West and expand my dominion over all creatures, puny despite their efforts, sub-intelligent because of their origins. But a thorn persi... More »
It’s Gratuitous Expletive Season, Fornicators: Sheldon Cooper’s Barely Condescending, Refreshingly Wholesome Redemption of Decorative Gourds by Lisa Rosenberg I don’t know about you people, but if I had a nickel for every time the F-bomb drops in tho... More »
How to Get Your Loved One the Perfect Holiday Gift! by Chris Iovenko First, of course, you must get off your couch and put your shoes on. Then you have to locate your keys. 45 minutes later bathed in sweat from your increasingly frantic search, you are ready t... More »
Oh, there’s no going Home for the Holidays, ‘Cause no matter how much you wash your hands, When you travel way over To your parents’ place, You are risking spreading covid to the fam.’ I met a man who lives in Tennessee, And he was staying a... More »
The kids are coming back home for festivities and the inevitable family gatherings are right around the corner. But, surprise! This winter you have decided to shake things up and end the year lit! Follow these guidelines and you’ll be set. First, if you’re... More »
Thanksgiving—A ridiculous Pilgrim holiday traced back to a 1621 celebration in Plymouth, Massachusetts. Giving thanks for the harvest made sense then; now it seems insane. The only harvest most Americans procure is from the aisles of Costco. Besides, a labor... More »
By Elaine Kendall 25 December 2017 The first slight waves of holiday guilt begin before Halloween, usually causing only a passing frisson or two of regret. The early ripples are the lavish mega-catalogues; beginning with those from places where you may have bo... More »
In its latest attempt to “win hearts and minds” in the Middle East, the Pentagon has announced a new program of dropping Christmas presents alongside selected bombs and cruise missiles in difficult theaters such as Syria, Iraq, and Afghanistan. Indestructi... More »
President-elect Trump Considering Bernie Sanders or Donald Trump for Santa Post By Phineas Lambert 16 January 2017 NEW YORK – The world was stunned this week when soon-to-be President, Donald Trump, announced he would take the lead on selecting a new San... More »
By Jon Reiner 24 December 2016 United States Border Crossing, Houlton, ME, December 24, 2016 Record of Sworn Statement in Proceedings under Section 235(b)(1) of the Act I am an Officer of the United States Department of Homeland Security. I am authorized to ad... More »
The Nightmare Before Christmas Dismayed by his townspeople, Jack wanders away from them. He should have kept going, because he stumbles upon an obsession for the “happy feelings” of Christmas. This almost gets him killed. It proves that chasing happiness i... More »
One thing is clear: Christmas traditions differ in every country in which they are celebrated. The pre-Christian Germanic peoples centered their winter celebration, Yule (which is still mentioned in the same breath as Christmas) around the god of Odin. Odin wa... More »