Op-Ed by Nitram Nosnivel

With five conservative pro-life judges serving on the US Supreme Court it’s pretty much certain that Roe v. Wade will be overturned. There are lots of good reasons for this to happen and as a proud possessor of an XY chromosome pairing and a strong defender of the pro-life position (except for individuals who have been sentenced to death and doctors who work at abortion clinics), I will now expound on five of those reasons in the form of replies to fake and misleading pro-abortion arguments.

Misleading Argument #1: The Supreme Court has declared abortion to be a “fundamental right” protected by the Constitution

My Reply: This was a bad ruling as can be seen by taking a closer look at the word “fundamental,” which has in it the words “fun” and “mental.” Does anyone in their right mind think that getting an abortion is fun? And anyone thinking about getting an abortion is clearly a mental case who belongs in an asylum. The only thing fundamental about abortion is that no woman should ever have one and if a woman does have one she’s in league with the devil (see the following argument).

Misleading Argument #2:  The Bible says nothing about abortion so it is not a sin in the religious sense of the word

My Reply: Fake news!!! That abortion is a sin is spelled out plainly in the Pat Robertson translation of the King James Bible (The Book of Mel Gibson 1:8) which says, “a woman who terminates a pregnancy because she feels she has a right to do so is a friend of the devil who is probably taking her to bars and clubs and having his way with her while at the same time putting lewd thoughts into her head that wouldn’t be there if she stuck to communing and cohabitating with men who correctly believe that women are bone of their bones, flesh of their flesh, good to look at, but only if married.”

Misleading Argument #3: Personhood begins after a fetus becomes “viable” (able to survive outside the womb) or after birth, not at conception

My Reply: The above argument, like a woman who is about to give birth, simply doesn’t hold water. Scientists who have studied the matter at conservative think tanks, in the home of swimsuit model Kathy Ireland, and inside laboratories on the campus of Oral Roberts University have unequivocally determined that human life begins at conception and sometimes even earlier than that. How much earlier is still being investigated but best guesses indicate probably sometime between the start of the production of a sperm cell, the development of an unfertilized egg, and whatever day it was when God created Adam.

Misleading Argument #4: Reproductive choice empowers women by giving them control over their own bodies

My Reply: This is a sexist proposition that is patently unfair to men who can’t hide behind the shield of “reproductive choice” with respect to having control over one’s body. Hey, guys in the military follow orders all day long telling them to do stuff they’d rather not do but they don’t complain about not having control over their bodies. And have you ever been to a strip club? Dudes who paw the performers typically have their bodies thrown to the curb, often without a prayer of getting their cover charges refunded. The fact is, God is in control of all our bodies and, as any preacher on the corner will tell you, the Lord wants women to have children.

Misleading Argument #5: A baby should not come into the world unwanted

My Reply: Says who? Loads of things come into the world unwanted. Some examples that come to mind are Trump University, the 1962 New York Mets, and Justin Bieber songs. Besides, you don’t have to want a kid to raise one. If you have a kid you don’t want you can always take your frustrations out by giving the kid a hard time as he or she grows up. For example: you can be very stern with the child when the kid gets out of line, have him or her do all the housework, force the whippersnapper to continuously watch the FOX news channel. That latter suggestion is a particularly good one as, aside from stimulating a lad or lass’s development of critical thinking skills, massive exposure to the news and opinions shown on FOX-TV is likely to make a child a strong pro-life supporter.