There is a pandemic on the rage, and though many call for masks and vaccinations as if they are some vital lifeline, the anti-maskers and anti-vaxers of the world have shown me how incredibly harmful it would be to endorse either of those.

They cite several reasons for this claim. For one, it would be an insult to God – who created us with a clear physiological structure in mind – to misshapen our perfect forms with the obstructions of a mask, or to contaminate ourselves with a vaccination. Then there is the evolutionary side of things, as well: surely, we would have evolved to have masks over our faces should we really need them.

Through the lens of these arguments, I have come to realize that many other commonly-endorsed objects are actually vile burdens to our figures. I have therefore decided to renounce them as the dirty pieces of rubbish and lies that they are.

For one, I refuse to wear shoes. Humans are not born with shoes – they are born with their hearts, lungs, and livers. But they are not born with shoes, so surely we do not need them to survive. If we needed shoes, we would have evolved to have them.

Society has us believe that wearing shoes is normal, but they merely wish for us to hide our feet from their sensitive eyes. If they can’t tolerate the sight of my feet, then they can just deal with it! Shoes are a man-made additive that the human figure can do without. We clearly don’t need them, or else we would all be equipped with them from birth.

I also refuse to wear glasses. When God created us, he wanted us to see as he chose. Anyone who wouldn’t inject themself with a compromising vaccine, or muzzle themself with a burdensome mask, would surely agree that we should not be distorting our vision with the obstruction of glasses.

If glasses were important, we would have them. Simple as that. But no, they are made by humans, in our factories and laboratories, and therefore are clearly unnatural and burdensome to society.

If God wanted us to wear glasses, he would have given them to us. If evolution predisposed us for survival, then we would have glasses. Clearly, glasses are a social conspiracy meant to keep us from expressing the true power of our gifted eyesight.

The same goes for hats, as well, and seatbelts. Oh, and don’t get me started on gloves! The basic premise is this: masks, vaccinations, shoes…They are all completely unnecessary. If shoes were actually important, God would have given them to us, or (for our scientists out there) we would have evolved to have them.

Clearly, we don’t actually need shoes, or glasses, or anything like that, for our survival. We shouldn’t be hindering ourselves with these useless commodities that contaminate our pure human figure.

I urge you all: follow the words of others like us! Renounce your shoes, renounce your glasses, and live a healthy, long life to its fullest.