I Have a Dream

By Martin H. Levinson

(An excerpt from an upcoming State of the Union address composed by Donald Trump after MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech appeared to him in a dream.)

Members of Congress, Supreme Court Justices, and everyone else here, I am happy to join with you today as the leader of the greatest administration in the history of America. In the 1700s, when the designers of our Republic wrote the incredible words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to every American. This note was a promise that all men—that’s men, not hermaphrodites, not lesbians, not trans people—would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, which today, if you can afford it, means owning a Tesla and being a member of one of my golf clubs.

The people of America are not happy and they will never be happy as long as I am the victim of unfair allegations from the loser Left, as long as my orders are not considered the law of the land, as long as any world leader does not defer to what I say. They will never be happy until every immigrant goes back to where they came from, every law firm in the country defends my views, and every Canadian becomes a citizen of our 51^st state. They will never be happy until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty river flowing next to Greenland and the Panama Canal, both soon to be part of the USA.

Today, I say to all of you that even though we’ve inherited a horrible economy from Sleepy Joe, I have a dream. It is a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that Elon Musk knows how to pare down the federal government and that the president of El Salvador knows how to keep the prisoners we send him.” I have a dream that one day the dollar will disappear and be replaced by TrumpCoin, my favorite, and soon to be everyone’s favorite crypto. I have a dream that one day I will have more power than Putin, Erdogan, and Xi put together in presiding over Trumpland, formerly known as the United States of America.

I have a dream that one day we will live in a land where people will not be judged by the quantity of their reason but by the quality of their cult-like devotion to me. I have a dream that today will be the day when everyone will be able to sing with new meaning, “My country, ’tis of thee, sweet land of cryptocurrency, of thee I sing. Land where Chuck Schumer cries, land where the Democrats die, from every mountainside, let MAGA ring.”

Let MAGA ring from the unparalleled palm trees around Mar-a-Lago. Let MAGA ring from the magnificent edifices around the globe that bear the name Trump Tower. Let MAGA ring from every bullet-scarred building and corpse-filled roadway that lie next to my soon-to-be-built hotels in Russia, Ukraine, Yemen, and Gaza. Let MAGA ring from the sacred pages of the God Bless the USA Bible, which features the Declaration of Independence, an official endorsement by Lee Greenwood, and a three-thousand word blurb by the Lord.

Let MAGA ring from every city, hamlet, state, and nation so we can speed that day when all of God’s children, particularly those on the Supreme Court who in a few years will get to vote to invalidate the 22^nd Amendment so I can serve a third term, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of any Republican running for office who does not wish to be primaried, “Trump forever, Trump forever, Great God Almighty, We are blest with Trump forever.”