Romney: Hurricane Sandy Victims Will Be Saved by Free Market

Friday, November 30th, 2012

Published 5 years ago -

NEW YORK – Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney, campaigning today in New Jersey, stated that Hurricane Sandy gave a good example of how “free market really principles work, even in extreme situations.”

“The areas affected by Hurricane Sandy provide a classic field study of free market supply and demand. In this case, people who have been affected by the flood make their demand to be rescued felt in the free market, by crying out for help through various channels. Even as we speak, new businesses are being created to supply  emergency relief to these people, and even creating new jobs in the process. Supply and demand. That’s how the market works. Some companies are charging very reasonable fees to rescue people from their flooded homes or to rescue their pets.”

“Others, like me, have the ready cash to buy canned food and to be photographed placing these cans in boxes, or taking them out again, in order to look sympathetic.”

“Foresighted people knew to store seven days’ worth of food and water for this eventuality—but no more. If you store more than seven days’ food, then you are probably a crazy ‘prepper’ and probably not worth saving in a free market economy like ours,” continued Romney.

“Unlike in the European nanny-state, where people would actually expect government assistance in the wake of a natural disaster, here in America, citizens have more of a spirit of self-reliance, and are far more willing to pay private companies to save them if they are too feeble to save themselves.”

Republican Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan supported Romney by invoking objectivist author Ayn Rand, his intellectual hero.

“Do you really think that Howard Roark from The Fountainhead or John Galt from Atlas Shrugged would be standing around waiting for the government to help them? Hell no. They would build a railroad with their bare hands if they had to, to save themselves and anyone else who could add value to their lives.”

Some Hurricane Sandy survivors confirmed Romney and Ryan’s philosophy.

One New Jersey man, stranded on the roof of his flooded home without food or water, was carrying a large sign reading:  Romney: Keep the government out of my health insurance disaster relief.

The man, Carl Lewis, 45, of Atlantic City, New Jersey, was interviewed on his cell phone by the Washington Chronicle.

“I would never accept government aid, no matter how extreme the situation. I’m not looking for some government hand-out. I have started building a crude raft from wood torn from the roof of my own home. I will build my raft and paddle my way to safety, without expecting to be airlifted out, like so many other Americans looking for a hand-out.”

“God bless America,” concluded Lewis, who conceded his raft would not be sea-worthy for several days. “Next week I can re-read Atlas Shrugged while I paddle my raft to safety.”

Get the book! The Satirist - America's Most Critical Book (Volume 1)

Online Ads


4 recommended
comments icon 0 comments
0 notes
bookmark icon

Write a comment...

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Skip to toolbar