Capitology Fastest Growing Religion in U.S.

Sunday, June 10th, 2001

Published 17 years ago -

By Dan Geddes

NEW YORK—Capitology, a religion founded in 1987 by Anton Leday, is now the fastest growing religion in the U.S., according to CultWatch, a mainstream Christian publication.

Capitologists worship a powerful force, called variously “The Force,” or “The Market.” During Capitology services, the “Manager” of the service will frequently intone: “Let The Market Decide,” to which the followers reply: “Amen.”

Capitologists believe in the sacredness of human trade, and use an elaborate, quasi-sexual symbology to represent economic transactions. The religion’s central symbol is of a hand holding a bill of currency—but it is clearly derived from the Hindu lingam, the holy union of male and female genitalia. Capitologists celebrate five holidays, known as Q1 (March 31), Q2 (June 30), Quarter3 (September 30), Quarter4 (December 31), and Christmas Eve, the holiest day on the Capitologist calendar.

Capitologists are not tithed, but are encouraged to make an annual donation sometime before the so-called Day of Reckoning (April 15th), a day marked by weeping, gnashing of teeth, and highly ritualized protestations of poverty.

The number of Capitology followers grew last year from 893 to 5,617—a nearly sevenfold increase. Capitologists recruit most new followers through their high performance MarkCap™ no-load mutual fund, which earned its investors returns of 67.8% in 2010. Capitology’s non-profit status was affirmed by the Supreme Court in a landmark 1994 decision, Bupkiss vs. Pangreve.

Get the book! The Satirist - America's Most Critical Book (Volume 1)

Online Ads


3 recommended
comments icon 0 comments
0 notes
bookmark icon

Write a comment...

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Skip to toolbar