One can only imagine how Donald Trump would respond to the popular one-hundred-and-forty-three-year-old personality-revealing quiz.
What’s your idea of happiness?
A hole in one. Or firing two or three.
Which historical figures do you most admire?
The 45th and 47th presidents of the United States.
What is your greatest fear?
Joe Biden outliving me.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Snapping at journalists too quickly…not taking enough time to think of a better insult.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Disagreeing with me.
What is your greatest extravagance?
My gold toilet. It makes me feel good.
What is your greatest journey?
To my gold toilet.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
I could live without all of them.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
That’s a stupid question.
What is your greatest regret?
Answering stupid questions, like these.
Which living person do you most admire?
That high-IQ Venezuelan woman who gave me her Nobel Prize, because she was brilliant enough to know that I really should have won it.
Which living person do you most despise?
I can only name one??
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Superman. I always identified with him.
(When the President was informed that the question meant fiction books, not comics, he indignantly said, “They’re called “comic books,” aren’t they? You guys are always playing ‘gotcha’ with me. You’re all anti-Trumper hacks.” In the interest of completing the questionnaire, it seemed ill advised to delve into this matter any further.)
What do you most value in your friends?
Contributions.
On what occasion do you lie?
By “lie,” do you mean not be completely honest?
Which talent would you most like to have?
Being able to play the saxophone better than Bill Clinton.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Being declared the greatest president of all time…by many of my supporters…on my Truth Social site.
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
Me on Mount Rushmore.
What is your most treasured possession?
Probably that gold toilet.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Having to go on a regular toilet.
How would you like to die?
In my sleep…though not in the middle of a cabinet meeting.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
You mean outside of myself?
(There was no need to pursue this, since the President’s spontaneous response seemed to answer the question quite adequately.)
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