CIA Agent Can’t Believe How Much Fake News One Conspiracy Theorist Reads Every Day

By Dan Geddes

Agent Begs for More Money for Fake Alternative News Sites in Drunken Rant

WASHINGTON – A CIA agent, speaking on condition of anonymity while blind drunk in a Georgetown bar, shared his complete surprise at how many “alternative news” articles that one conspiracy theorist, Jesus Angleton McLean, 47, from Cleveland, Ohio, reads every day.

Independent journalist Gore Steinem recorded his drunken rant for Rampart News.

“All this guy does is read sketchy websites 8 hours per day: Zerohedge; GatewayPundit; Alex Jones. We watch him reading our disinformation for hours and hours. Reading his life away. He doesn’t go outside that much.  His son won’t talk to him. He seems like the ultimate loser, this Jesus Angleton McLean.”

“From reading his emails and his social media postings he maintains these weird fantasies that he is well-informed; that he actually understands the global conspiracy. That seems to be the only thing keeping him going.”

“A lot of people at the Agency say that as long as we can produce enough ‘alternative’ news content to occupy the time and attention of the average conspiracy theorist—about two hours to four hours per day—then we are doing our jobs. It could be a curious blend of fact and fiction, as the best propaganda often is. The goal is to make sure that it muddies the waters and that enough people waste their time on it. Most of them are too medicated to do much about it—to fight the establishment or whatever—in any case. So, we are really not worried about any ‘mass awakening’ of anything.”

“The primary mission of the Agency is to disseminate disinformation, enough to distract and misdirect people from all walks of life. People like Jesus McLean make it more difficult—raise the bar—by being such voracious doom-scrollers, reading Alt News for 8 hours per day. We are not able to produce enough content within his specific interests. He’s obsessed with Covid origins, Great Replacement theory, and the plans to microchip the population. But he doesn’t read our other stuff: he doesn’t read our UFO stuff; he doesn’t read much of our JFK or 9/11 conspiracy stuff anymore either. We kept thinking he would never get tired of it. Fake moon landing literature is always cherished by many, even McLean. I guess you’d call it a benign conspiracy theory. We think many conspiracy theorists like the fake moon landing conspiracy theory, because nobody gets hurt in it. You’re not accusing the government of mass murder or anything; just for deceiving all of humanity for a few generations. So it’s light and refreshing to read compared to the mass murder-y conspiracies.”

“But we didn’t anticipate that some people would have such an enormous appetite for alternative news. We have got to keep Jesus and others distracted by fake news so that they don’t make better use of their time: you know read serious material and actually become an effective opposition force.”

The anonymous, drunken CIA agent also described budgetary struggles.

“We beg for more budget, but they just deny our requests. More of the Agency’s disinformation budget now goes into mainstream news, Netflix shows, pop music and Hollywood movies—you know, for social programming as well as predictive programming. The Agency has only so much budget for Alt news, and we are strapped. Alex Jones getting taken over by The Onion is a sign of the times.”

“Management keeps telling us: Just use the AI bots to generate more fake conspiracy content to distract people. Some teams are certainly doing it. But use AI to generate fake conspiracy content? I haven’t been trained at that yet. I’m a fake news artist. I write it from scratch.”

“But it’s really hard to produce enough fake news content to keep some conspiracy theorists reading all day.”

Source: Gore Steinem for Rampart News.