F*cking Public Discourse

By Martin H. Levinson

“Before stepping on to his helicopter to head from the White House to the NATO summit in The Netherlands, Trump tells reporters, ‘we basically have two countries that have been fighting so long and so hard that they don’t know what the f*ck they’re doing’.” Times of Israel, June 24, 2025

At a press conference the next day, the reporters, in this new era of obscene free speech that Trump has ushered in, attempt to get the president to candidly answer their questions by employing colorful language and being deferential to the Curser-in-Chief.

CNN: “How’s it hanging, bro?”

Trump: “Fucking great. We’re going full MAGA to get crap done and we’re killing it on the economy, foreign policy, and all over the fucking place. Am I a fucking genius or what?”

FOX: “Are you bullshitting me? You’re the greatest fucking genius who ever lived. If I may change the subject, what do you intend to do to stop Putin from making a shit show of Ukraine?”

Trump: “I thought I had a deal with that son of a bitch to stop bombing Ukraine but he seems to have welched. Not a very smart thing for that cocksucker to have pulled on me.”

MSNBC: “So, I take it you’re not going to let that little prick get the better of you? Am I right on that, my man?”

Trump: “I wouldn’t put it so nicely. That two-faced, chickenshit, dickhead, bastard just needs to calm down a bit before ramping up his military responses. I’m sure I’ll be able to work it out with that dumbass.”

Wall Street Journal: “Let’s move on to something else, chief. You seem to be all in on crypto. Would you suggest Americans pony up dough and invest in that shit?”

Trump: “Absolutely fucking-A I would. You can’t do better than investing in crypto. It’ll make you so much goddamn money you won’t know what the fuck hit you. Unless you’re a total pussy, you should be dropping shitloads of do-re-mi into crypto, particularly Trump coins. They’re the real frigging deal.”

New York Times: “Final question. There are some douche bags out there saying that the state of public discourse in America has deteriorated quite a fucking bit since you’ve come into office. How would you respond to those lame, lackey, sons of whores?”

Trump: “Doesn’t deserve a response, my liberal, ass-backward friend. Shit speaks for itself. Grab ’em by the pussy if and when you can. Worked for me in 2016, works for me now. Is this a great motherfucking country or what!”