America's Most Critical Journal (since 1999)
12 March 2017
I am against eating Non Veg, but still I used to be sitting against Non Veg eaters in restaurant as I don't have any option. Most of my friends are Non Vegetarian and they will be eating mutton. I have love for goat but I can't stop having lunch with my friends and start having it with goat. What if chickens, goats etc are capable of eating humans, their menu would be Teenager 65, Adult Tandoori, Mature Biryani. My friends mostly like leg piece while eating. Instead of chickens if it would be humans in plate then leg piece and belly piece would be most famous. Some people don't consider egg as non veg, they just assume like that, first of all they should be aware it is not mathematics that they can assume "Let it be x". If egg is not non veg, then what it is? Is it a salad? Even chicken will be surprised when did it start giving birth to salad. What surprises me the most is people says Aaaawww when they see cute animals but they don't listen to their Aaawww when they are being killed.
Being Single on 31st December
Nothing in this world could be as worst as being single on 31st night. It’s as painful as being single on your first night. Everywhere you can see couples waiting for New Year holding each other’s hand and talking of you, you are holding your own hands with each other with a burger in between. A guy with a girlfriend is thinking of his New Year resolution, and my new year resolution is already his girlfriend, if not her, then at least some girl so I enter another year with a girlfriend, due to this resolution I have been single for past 5 years, as being engineer I waste all 11 months thinking I have enough time and start trying only in December ending up holding burger rather than girlfriend’s hand on 31st night. I am single and looking for a Pub on 31st night. Pub entries are like 500 for couples and 5,000 for singles, they are adding extra zero for my talent of being single in 7.4 billion population. God knows what kind of maths is this. Guys who used to fail in maths during school days are owner of Pub now. Whatever you have saved not being couple throughout the year, they will take back in couple of seconds.
Everybody might have told a lie some time in their life. Baskin Robins says the price of one small scoop is 100 Rupee. Baskin Robins should be named Baskin Robbing. It is not possible to live without telling a Lie. You went for shopping with your wife and she asks how is she looking in that dress. You cannot tell truth that she is looking like a pumpkin otherwise she will make you eat pumpkin curry for whole month.
If somebody says to me “You are telling lie", I am like, Yeah I have been doing it since childhood and before that also, I told the world I will come out in 9 months and I came out of womb in 8 months itself, even the way I won the race with other sperms was telling the lie that their zip is open. Lying is in the nature of Human beings; even there are songs on lying; it’s just the generation gap otherwise when we were small we used to be singing "Telling lies, no papa, open your mouth, ha ha ha" and nowadays children are singing "Hips don't Lie".
Akash Pandey is a creative person currently pursuing his Retail Analyst job,
alongside continuing Humour Article writing. His work has been published in different
platforms including "Youth Ki AWAZ", and he takes part in the rising
Hip Hop culture (innovating new steps in Breaking and Cap Tricks) in the
streets of Trivandrum, India.