Out with the Old

By Martin H. Levinson

Washington is filled with monuments and buildings that have seen their day and need to go away. Enter Donald Trump, a screw-the-Constitution-man with a let’s-tear-it-all-down-plan, the perfect person to direct such demolition. Indeed, he has already begun with the flattening of the East Wing of the White House to erect a ballroom. Other DC edifices worthy of the wrecking ball include:

The Washington Monument

Designed by Robert Mills and built in two phases between 1848 and 1884, this 555-foot marble obelisk honors the first US president, George Washington. It is the tallest stone structure in the world and if it was knocked down it would be fitting that its substitute should also be the tallest in the world. Trump could make that happen by erecting a 900-story apartment building to replace the Washington Monument—to honor its builder it could be called Trump Tower II and to commemorate George Washington the building’s parking garage could be named after him. This plan would be a win-win for the American people and a recognition that the 18^th century is over and new heroes need to be publicly acknowledged.

The United States Capitol

The United States Capitol, often called the Capitol or the Capitol Building, is the seat of the United States Congress, the rubberstamp branch of the US government. This sprawling building, whose design was selected by George Washington in 1793, covers over 1.5 million square feet, has over 600 rooms, and miles of corridors. It is crowned by a magnificent white dome that has become a shining symbol of legislative deadlock, massive corruption, and gross  ineptitude. Sadly, due to aging and exposure to the elements, the entire Capitol structure should come down.

This temple of toadyism could be replaced by a real temple, one devoted to making American great again by hook or by crook—that latter term is meant to be taken literally. The leader of the new sanctuary, the MAGA prelate Donald J. Trump, would be the right guy to handle the hammering, as he has had years of experience hacking and blasting away at US norms and traditions. In addition to the temple, Trump could establish a new religion dedicated to ridding the country of criminal immigrants, leftwing lunatics, and the Democrat Party. This creed is just what our nation needs as we begin celebrations in 2026 of the 250^th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence—an antiquated document that, like so many of the monuments and buildings in DC, should also be torn up and redone.

The Supreme Court Building

The Supreme Court Building houses the Supreme Court of the United States, the nation’s final court of appeal. It is staffed by nine black-robed justices who have hit the judicial jackpot by securing permanent, prestigious, well-paying jobs that permit them to pontificate to everyone in the country about how to behave. It is the highest court in the federal judiciary, which means the justices who serve on it can also tell all the lower court judges how to act.

The venue where these august jurists work is almost 100 years old and begs to be leveled. And the best guy to do that leveling is Donald Trump, a man who has consistently shown that laws and regulations are infinitely malleable, which means he can get things done right away.  Trump might want to consider replacing the Supreme Court Building with a ballroom, as he seems to like ballrooms and its common knowledge that the justices he has appointed to the Court like to dance to his political tunes. The American people enjoys being entertained. Bread and circus egalitarianism delivered in an ornate dance hall fits the bill nicely.