America's Most Critical Journal (since 1999)
NewsSatiresFictionBooksFilmsEssays

 


 
 


More People Asking the NSA for Their Lost Data

23 March 2014

WASHINGTON - The NSA has reportedly been overwhelmed by requests for copies of lost data from desperate individuals whose computer hard drives have crashed.

Thousands of users worldwide who can no longer access their data have been begging the NSA for a backup copy, sources say.

Sara Lee, 45, from Seattle, admits to asking the NSA for help: "When my hard drive died, I was totally desperate! I tried the local computer shop and those geeks got me nowhere.  So I thought: The Government! If they're monitoring everything I do online anyway, perhaps they have a back-up of my kids’ photos on their big server farms, paid for with my tax dollars! I’m willing to pay or do anything to get my photos from Disney World back."

German sources from Spiel magazine report that German Chancellor Angela Merkel even went through diplomatic channels to request her personal data from the NSA, after her hard drive – reputedly containing “sensitive” photos of Merkel in a bikini – crashed while she was enjoying a recent holiday in an undisclosed tropical location.

However, Merkel and others who have asked the NSA for help have yet to receive an official reply from the U.S. intelligence agency.

Computer Geek magazine editor Bo Vine commented that: "Anybody who still uses a local hard drive for primary storage simply deserves to lose their data, and will lose it eventually. Use the cloud, people! What are you worried about? Then you won’t need to trouble the NSA to get your silly cat pictures back."

Dan Geddes

See also: The Five Stages of NSA Surveillance Grief