Looking for Light at the End of the Tunnel

Looking for Light at the End of the Tunnel

By Martin H. Levinson

(Transcript from a podcast interview that I hosted in my head.)

Me: Welcome to the Marty Levinson Show. Today’s guest is Perry Pedestrian, the Senior Senator from the State of No Imagination. Good evening, Senator.

Pedestrian: Good evening, Marty.

Me: Let’s begin. What is your solution to the immigration crisis in America?

Pedestrian: To be honest with you, I don’t think that problem has a single solution.

Me: What do you mean “to be honest with you?” Do you usually lie to people?

Pedestrian: Of course not. When I speak, I give my honest opinions. I’m a straight shooter who always lays it on the line.

Me: I’m not interested in whatever it is you’re placing on some line. I just want you to answer my questions truthfully. And don’t worry about being a straight shooter. We’re not on a rifle range.

Pedestrian: You seem to be taking everything I say literally.

Me: Would you rather I took everything you say figuratively?

Pedestrian: Certainly not. My momma didn’t raise a fool. At the end of the day, I simply want you to understand my positions on things.

Me: This show is being done in the evening. Is what you’re telling me also true at end of the night?

Pedestrian: Absolutely. It’s true anytime. You can that to the bank, my friend.

Me: There are so many banks in the world. What particular bank do you recommend I take it to?

Pedestrian: It’s not about a particular bank. I’m using a platitude. Don’t you get that?

Me: I do. You’re employing a hackneyed, commonplace, stodgy, boilerplate, cookie-cutter, timeworn, unimaginative, musty, ho-hum, banal, colorless expression rather than telling me something of interest or dispensing information with concrete value.

Pedestrian: That seems a bit harsh, but I suppose if I really drilled down into what you’re saying I might find something in it that hits the mark.

Me: If you drilled up, sideways, or at an angle do you suppose that would make a difference in what you’d find?

Pedestrian: Maybe it would but, truth be told, doing that seems like it might be a bridge too far.

Me: Speaking of far out bridges, do you believe there’s any hope in the future that politicians being interviewed in my head, or on TV, or anywhere else will ever express themselves without constantly resorting to clichés.

Pedestrian: I’m not sure you could get politicians to go that extra mile. What you’re asking is probably easier said than done. But if interviewers played their cards right, and had enough testicular fortitude, I think they’d be able to push the needle forward on that. But they would have to do it with the tenacity of a bulldog, Marty. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day.