America's Most Critical Journal (since 1999)
NewsSatiresFictionBooksFilmsEssays

 


 
 


A Psalm for the Tea Party

1) The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want–to talk to liberals.

2) He maketh me lie down in untaxed green pastures: he leadeth me to the clear waters of pro-Gun states where I can shoot deer or thieves as God intended;  no libs shall take my guns away.

3) He restoreth our souls to their Constitutional originals; he leadeth us down the righteous right-wing path where no left-leaning wingnuts lie in wait.

4) Yea, though we walk through the Silicon Valley in the shadow of the American Sodom, we fear no evil: for thou art with us; thy rod and thy staff (though phallic) shall comfort us.

5) Thou preparest a meat-laden table before us far from the wayward vegans: thou maketh our states abundant with tar sands oil; at $2 per gallon my gas tank runneth over.

6) Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and we shall dwell as majority party in the House and the Senate for ever and ever. Amen.

Dan Geddes

21 September 2014

Image courtesy of GlossyNews.com

See also: A Psalm of Sarah by Becky Garrison