America's Most Critical Journal (since 1999)
Trump Didn't Get Away with Murder
4 October 2017
Let me be perfectly clear: President Donald J. Trump is not a murderer. I say this with absolute certainty. Our president is a fine man, a wonderful husband and father not to mention a billionaire and pure genius in business. There is no possible way he could ever murder someone. Why would he want to? The president has all the money in the world not to mention amazingly good-looking and talented children and in-laws. The buildings, shampoo, pet collars, sofas, ceramic vases, moisturizers, barstools, steaks, mirrors, shower caps, dress shirts, vodka, bath towels, wall decorations, pet leashes, ties, lighting fixtures, body wash, universities, table lamps, eyeglasses, chandeliers, spring water, laundry bags, cocktail tables, cologne, bedding, suits, cabinets, and wine that bear his name are all the absolute best of their kind and the envy of all of his many competitors and detractors. Let’s not forget, Trump also won the electoral college in the greatest and most impressive landslide ever and the popular vote too if not for all the illegals voting. Clearly, a man this great could not be a murderer. Of course, the obsessed democrat politicians and the lamestream fake news want you to believe that the dead body found in the Oval Office is suspicious and that it warrants investigation. To this I say everybody dies. There is nothing inherently suspicious about death. Sad, yes but it happens to everybody. Can’t we just quit picking on Trump and investigating him for one minute and get on with the business of making America great again?
Yes, there were some gunshot wounds in the corpse but who is to say it wasn’t suicide? Suicide by gun is extremely common. Millions upon millions of people die every year from self-inflicted gunshot wounds. The most likely scenario is that the democrat senator, an unhinged liberal and hater of Trump, went into the Oval Office with the intent of taking the president’s gun away from him and assassinating him. He then saw the error of his attempted crime and driven by shame he instead shot himself six times. Isn’t it very suspicious that nobody in the liberal media, not one person, is looking into what was in all probability not a murder but an intended assassination that thank God turned into a suicide? Shouldn’t that be the real story we’re investigating? Shouldn’t it shock, concern and frighten every red-blooded, patriotic American that our president was nearly assassinated in cold blood in the sacred confines of the Oval Office? If crooked Hilary were president and this happened to her we’d never hear the end of it.
Another very likely possibility is that the would-be assassin missed and shot himself. It’s a well-established fact that all democrats know absolutely nothing about guns and don’t even understand how they work or how to correctly aim and shoot them. This terrible and criminal ignorance should get more attention in the country. Betsy DeVos is certainly correct when she says gun safety and proper use should be taught in all our schools.
The liberal fake news empire would have you believe that there is no way a person could shoot themselves multiple times in the times in the back. This is just wrong. In all likelihood it was a ricochet that happily missed the president and then justly hit the senator before ricocheting again and hitting him five more times in the back. All criminologists who aren’t democrats say this is most certainly what happened.
Of course, there is the usual fuss in the left-wing fake news over Trump’s tweets but he was joking when he described the “murder” in detail and claimed “responsibility”. It is a fact that our president has the best sense of humor, better than anybody else in the world. Isn’t he allowed to joke about things or now in this new fascist liberal state can only democrats make jokes? He was also joking in the interview he did with Fox where he “admitted” to the “murder.” As he has since said, he would have never made the joke if he’d known how viciously and unfairly he would be attacked for it. Trump is not a professional politician and doesn’t always know when he is being politically incorrect. He speaks forthrightly from the heart and for this he is unfairly treated and punished. What does it say about the terrible state of our country that a man who is so incredibly successful at everything he tries and is so extremely kind, extremely smart, really generous, with such a great family, and a huge sense of humor is called a murderer without any proof at all, just liberal conspiracy theories? Isn’t that the real crime here? Shouldn’t we be investigating the fake news and putting it on trial for the criminal lies it tells? Isn’t it the liberal media that’s the real story here, not the president and the fact that someone happened to pass in an unfortunate way while visiting him?
Chris Iovenko is a writer and filmmaker in Los Angeles with many documentary and narrative film credits. Iovenko’s writing has been published in such places as The Atlantic, The American Prospect, The Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, Details, Spin and The New Republic.