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Anti-Trump Groups Say: “We Love the CIA”

31 March 2017

protest

WASHINGTON - “God Bless the CIA” read the large banner above the crowd in Lafayette Square in Washington, DC, right across from the White House.

A group of more than 300 Anti-Trump protestors were showing their support for the CIA, the fabled American intelligence agency whose illustrious history of violent revolution, extra-judicial killing, and media disinformation has inspired democracy-lovers and imitators around the globe.

Now the CIA is seemingly at war with Donald Trump, a President who in many social circles is considered as illegitimate as a Zimbabwean promissory note. 

If they say “the enemy of your enemy is your friend,” then now, ironically, the CIA is experiencing new-found popularity among American liberals and progressives, who in the past have occasionally protested the Agency’s crimes against humanity since its inception in 1947. 

Today’s pro-CIA, anti-Trump protesters had been incredibly lucky to find a whole stack of blank placards in Lafayette Square, left behind by yesterday’s protesters. Yesterday’s protestors, a group of Dadaist artists sponsored by Ford Foundation grant money, had carried the blank signs for more than 90 minutes as a Dadaist form of protest. (“The blank signs symbolized everything and nothing,” according to one participant.)

Today’s protestors wrote anti-Trump slogans on the blank signs including “We Love the CIA,” “CIA 4 EVER,” and “CIA Trumps Trump.”

One protestor stated: “The CIA has a lot of valuable experience in overthrowing governments. Nobody does it better. So we don’t see why they shouldn’t help us take down an illegitimate Administration right here in America when the situation calls for it. A lot of people think the CIA pulled Watergate just to take down Nixon. Overthrowing Trump should be a piece of cake for them.”

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“We love the CIA! #NoTrumpOnTwitter” tweeted Mandy Newman, 24, of Millennial Snowflakes, an (online-only) activist group.  Hashtag #NoTrumpOnTwitter has been trending in certain Twitter channels.

The Snowflakes have repeatedly petitioned Twitter to disable Donald Trump’s Twitter account.

On Reddit, the Millennial Snowflakes “down vote” all pro-Trump posts, sometimes at the expense of their own precious Reddit karma. “It’s worth it,” claimed one Snowflake.

“If they took his f-cking Twitter account away, it would totally de-fang that bastard Trump,” according to Mandy Newman. “He would lose most of his power. He would be cut off from his 20 million plus Twitter followers. It’s almost like he would be a total nobody after that. A real lame duck Trump.”

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“I f-cking love the CIA!,” said Jamie Winehouse, a spokesperson for a group called WART (Women Against Rapist Trump), who recently appeared on “Leftists Today” on MSNBC, in a panel of prominent leftists, including Michael Moore and Maxine Waters. Winehouse has been pushing the hashtag #IFuckingLoveTheCIA on Twitter.

“I mean I respect the high office of the Presidency as much as anyone, but I say: the more sh-t the Agency can leak about Trump, the better. With all due respect: take the f-cker down. Impeach that pussy-grabbing chauvinistic horse’s ass ASAP.”

Michael Moore also appeared on the “Leftists Today” panel discussion, threatening: “Trump marks the end of humanity. I am going to sit here and hold my breath until Trump is not President anymore.”

Winehouse added: “Yeah, so the CIA probably was monitoring Trump Tower while he was running for President. So what? They probably stopped spying on him when he won the election, right? Or at least after the Inauguration. I mean, there’s no way they would still be monitoring the President himself….But you know, I don’t even care if they were.”

“This is what checks and balances is all about. In this case, the CIA─which is one of the three major branches of government─puts a check on another branch, the executive branch, President Donald Trump. We welcome that. This shows that the American system of democracy, checks and balances, really works!”


Dan GeddesDan Geddes is the editor of The Satirist. In addition to satire, Geddes' serious criticism in The Satirist online has been widely cited in books, English courses, academic papers, newspapers, and websites. Geddes has written for the Cleveland Plain Dealer, the Dry Bones Review, and The Modern Word. His satirical work has also appeared in GlossyNews.com. He lives in Amsterdam.