America's Most Critical Journal since 1999
Department of Education Washington, DC. Office of the Secretary of Education The Honorable Betsy DeVos RE: TOOLKIT UPDATE: IMPORTANT MEMO TO SCHOOL ADMINISTRATORS! FORM LETTER FOR INEVITABLE TEACHER DEATHS WILL DECREASE YOUR WORKLOAD. Dear School Administrator... More »
by Mollie Fermaglich Dear God, It’s me. Nancy. Pelosi. I am in church right now, on my knees, in a pew reserved for luminaries. Like me. Nancy. I’m not a fan of kneeling because, despite what they say, even the very top-of-the-line Wolford pantyh... More »
by Keith R Fentonmiller May 30 Honorable George Ervin “Sonny” Perdue II United States Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Secretary Perdue: I’m deeply grateful for your emergency order allowing cash-strapped corporate farmers to pay migrant wo... More »
By Tim Daly Title: Marry or Murder Logline: Two strangers, paired up by relationship experts with shady credentials, will choose to either marry their new partner or murder them. No visual tricks. No special effects. We’re talkin’ actual homicide. I... More »
by Emily Parzybok Here on Missouri’s death row, we take every possible precaution to preserve human life. As we continue our scheduled executions, we have instituted strict protocols to ensure continued human safety and wellbeing, especially for those people... More »
by Alexandra Regueiro Hey, stranger. How have you been? Hungry, I assume. You left your pack of M&Ms in the bottom drawer of your desk. I imagine you’re still eating dry chicken with a side of disillusion for lunch while you’re working from hom... More »
by Martin H. Levinson The coronavirus didn’t emerge accidentally from 5G wireless communication or a lab or wet market in China. It was the result of a planned criminal conspiracy hatched by a bunch of despicable characters. Here’s how it went down. When P... More »
Recently, many have pointed out that there has been little executive leadership in regards to the coronavirus pandemic in the United States. These people claim that President Trump has done nothing to sufficiently combat the spread of the deadly virus and poin... More »
by Frank Palmeri and Ted Wendelin In support of patriotic demonstrators who proclaim that they are “willing to die for jobs,” we make this clear statement of our creed. The aim of economic growth is to provide jobs, not to further life. If human life is pr... More »
by Martin H. Levinson Thank you for calling the Social Security Administration. For English, press one; para Español, marque número dos; pour la français, presse trois; für deutsch, drücken sie vier, orfay igpay atinlay, esspray ivefay; для русск... More »
By Chris Jetko Today I’ll be your guide as we explore this place of mystery and broken dreams. Gather round you guys! I’m so glad you could join me for this afternoon’s tour. Since it opened to visitors in the spring of 2019, Kitchen Island has welcomed ... More »