America's Most Critical Journal (since 1999)
Hello Kathleen, Your Shopping Cart Is Empty
by Kathleen Kraft
7 May 2016
To: Kathleen K:
I had a little time on my hands today so I wanted to say hello and let you know that Your Shopping Cart Is Empty.
Did you see that boots are on sale? Or how about a used book of poems? You like those!
You also have 19 items saved for later. Are you OK? Are you dating? I want to help. Recently you added an item to your cart, but then you didnít do anything. It was just sitting there. I notice you do that a lot. Anyway, I got sick of looking at it so I moved it into your saved items.
I think about you.
You know your trial membership ends tonight. 11:59p.m. EST You signed up to be warned not even a month ago. Are you there? Are you getting enough sleep? You spoke to one of our customer representatives about a broken reading light you returned, but you didnít order a new one. That upset me, Kathleen. I know you need a reading light, so you must have shopped somewhere else for it. ☹
I also noticed you have two tickets to Bermuda next week, but you returned the tankini. Did it not work out? Did he back out? Have your problems been resolved quickly? Can you quickly fill out this quick survey? Itís just three questions. Seriously, I want to make things rightóWhoa, you just changed your password. Thatís big. Whatís going on there? I hope you didnít get hacked. We have a whole department that can help you if youíre dissatisfied with me. Are you dissatisfied with me? I feel like you are. OK, I see youíve unsubscribed from our weekly e-mails. You know weíre sorry to see you go so I wonít bore you with that, but I wanted you to know that I noticed that. I see you, Ms. Kraft, and I actually take it personally. But itís cool. You can contact us at any time, reallyódid I mention that? Itís not a line: Iím always here. But sometimes I get a little frustrated! Iím sorry. Iím waiting for you.
TheBiggestStore, Customer Service
Kathleen Kraft's poems have appeared or are forthcoming in many journals, including Five Points, Sugar House Review, and Gargoyle. She has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize three times, and her chapbook, Fairview Road, was published in 2015 by Finishing Line Press. She lives in Jersey City, NJ, where she is a freelance writer and yoga teacher.