America's Most Critical Journal (since 1999)
Word of the Day: Psephology
31 October 2015
Yo, Karl Rove, how do you like Ohio now? Apologies. I just got an urge to throw a shout out to one of Fox News’ fave guests and the maker of my most memorable moment from the 2012 election. Not a lot of psephology needed except to say 47% don’t win a two man race, and that was Mittens’ main complaint and what he got.
Nevertheless, calling up Karl’s election night face is like fondly remembering the day white met rice. You come here often? I do now. Karl Rove went white on election night 2012 and he’s about the whitest dude this side of Romney. He’s essentially a container of gesso with arms, legs and a head. And yet, when Trump’s much loved Fox News hostess Ms. Megan Kelly insisted Ohio just went down for the Dems the dude redefined the absence of color. I have sheets of paper in my printer that look absolutely Sicilian in contrast to Karl’s very slow enlightenment that Obama went Old Testament on Mittens’ alabaster buttocks.
A whiter shade of pale, his puss was, if you don’t mind my lifting the title of a top 5 song from way back. A song beloved by the 60s counterculture. The counterculture Karl and his buds denigrate every chance they get. And so, in honor of Karl and his compatriots, and with no offense intended to Procol Harem, I’m going to do a little wordsmithing on those lyrics. So here goes, and do sing along with me:
I missed the polls and fanfare,
Turned my head when they came on,
Now I’m feeling kind of nauseous,
As the crowds called out for O,
My pulse was going harder,
The election went that way,
I called out for another bourbon,
And the Democrat waiter came my way,
And so it wa-wasn’t ‘til later,
As the people told their tale,
O’s face wasn’t as ghostly,
Wasn’t our whiter shade of pale.