America's Most Critical Journal (since 1999)



Bernie Sanders’ 2016 Campaign Song:
“I’d Do Anything”

Bernie Tie-die

3 June 2016

“Please, sir – I’d like some more… Delegates.”


Though not quite as catchy as “The Internationale,” please share my new campaign song with everyone you know, so I can share the billions of dollars hoarded by the right-wing Wall Street investment bankers and George Clooney, with everyone who wants to do nothing. --Bernie Sanders

“He’d Do Anything”
(to the tune of “I’d Do Anything”  from OLIVER!)

I’d do anything

Give free stuff, everything

Provide for everything

For you…

You know that…

I am just like you

I too hate the Jews

Though I’m Hebrew too

Don’t tell the goyim…


Bernie Sanders




I’m a senator – from Vermont

What’s the whitest state ?– it’s Vermont

Full of old hippies – that’s Vermont

They all look like me–I love Vermont and

And you should…


Bernie Sanders


Screw that college loan

How could you have known

Why it’s called a “loan”?

But maybe…


Bernie Sanders


You just might have thought

The film degree that you bought

It sure cost your folks a lot

And you’re not Spielberg…




You millenials  – that’s my base

Scary Tea Party - everyplace

Hill and Bill Clinton – big disgrace

Raul and Fidel  - we’ll embrace

Love those Cohibas…


Bernie Sanders


If you vote for me

Vote for me, I’m Bernie

Don’t trust “Ms. Benghazi”

Just ask Vince Foster….

I’m a millionaire

My wife’s got long blonde hair

She’s shaped like a Bosc pear

Or maybe a Bartlett…


Bernie Sanders




California’s soon – vote for me

We can win another primary

I’ve got to be your nominee

Fuck all of the bourgeoisie.


Bernie Sanders


I want to be…


Your next president

I’ll help you to pay your rent

By taxing the one-percent

They’re really evil…


Can’t stand Alan Dershowitz

That Netanyahu – he’s the pits

John Bolton – he should quit

They all love Israel




Love the PLO – I’m a Jew

Dig Al Qedea – they forgot the “u”

Love Hamas, they’ve a cool point of view

I’m a Marxist guy – I’ll be your guru


So on Election Day

Make sure you don’t betray

I’m Bernie, I’m just like Che

But I am living

Bernie Sanders


Help me win the primary

Please don’t be an absentee

If I win, everything’s free

Need a new flat screen TV????????


Bernie Sanders


Mollie Fermaglich (The Lost Letters of Yoko Ono and Heather Mills; Waiting for Barack (a Play in One Act); "Hillary's Way") is a satirical essayist who has written for Glamour, New York Times, London Times, Mademoiselle, Village Voice, King Features Syndicate and several other magazines and newspapers.  She is the author of Mollie's Rules for the Socially Inept, and two blogs, and her political satire column for The Times of Israel.