An Immodest Response: @JonathanSwift Replies to Critics of His “A Modest Proposal”

Tuesday, March 13th, 2018

Published 1 week ago -

@JonathanSwift  Your idea for helping the 120,000 poor children in the kingdom is to EAT some of them? Because they cost too much? You are terrible. Burn in Hell!

@MrChristian – Thanks for your feedback. Follow me, I’ll follow you back.


@JonathanSwift You say you’ve found a “fair, cheap and easy method of making these children sound and useful members of the commonwealth.” Sad!

@realdonaldtrump – “Sad!”?


@JonathanSwift Git outta Ireland and Shut Up u Liberal TOOLBOT!!!!! Innglishmun!!!!! TRANSplant!!!!!! OUTLANDER!!!!!!!!!!! LIBERAL ASSHAT!!!!!!! LIBTARD!!!!!!!

@Ihatelibtards – I’m confused. Do you like me? What is a “liberal toolbot”? Or a “liberal asshat”?  Or a “libtard”? Also, do you think I’m Irish? Or “Innglish”?


@JonathanSwift WTF???!!! When There 1 yrs old u say kids will CONTRIBUTE TO THE FEEDING of many thousands? Disgusting! This is outrage! How dare you suggest this??!

@SillyPuddy – Did you read the whole thing? Did you detect any whimsy, perhaps a tongue-in-cheek tone to the writing? Some black humor? Satire?


@JonathanSwift @aclu @plannedparenthood you say eating little children will prevent abortions and murdering of bastard children. how dare you? ! Keep your laws off my body, ManPerson!

@MyBodyMyChoice – I don’t actually care about abortion rights. I just said you wouldn’t need to abort kids if, instead, you could sell them to people who wanted to eat them. OK?


@JonathanSwift ,  Hello, Mr. Swift (and I use that salutation loosely)- your plan is dumb. People can’t be “stewed, roasted, baked or boiled,” they can only be grilled . Yum!!!!!

@DonnerPartyOf1 – Based on your Twitter handle, I’m not at all surprised you liked my proposal. But again, people, I was only kidding! Joking! LOL-ing!


@JonathanSwift I have logically analyzed your idea and founded it to be illogical and without merit. see this chart for proof of your stupidness.

@guywhocomments – You seem very proud of yourself for pointing to “evidence” against my plan, evidence that is actually just a post from your own blog.


@JonathanSwift No way thousands of kids can provide enough calories to feed the people of Ireland. I did all the counting with an internet calorie calculator. Ur dumb.

@SH*TLORD7 – You actually took the time to estimate the total net calories of eating a bunch of little kids? Really? I’m feeling like people missed the point of my piece.



@notthefakejake – OK. Thanks. Love what? Leave where? Please advise.


@JonathanSwift Atrocious is what you are, sir! Disgusting. Using the skin of kids for ladies’ gloves? Boots for gentlemen? That’s like Hitler!

@GodwinsLaw – Um, sorry, but who is “Hitler”? And, again, you people realize this was just some legendary satire, right? Some thoughts I “hoped would not be liable to the least objection.” Geez.


@JonathanSwift I’m on to you. You sound like you just want people eating kids because then there’ll be fewer Catholics. That’s totally racist.

@PopeEyeSailorman – You figured that out, huh? Was that because I said having fewer Papists was a “collateral advantage” of the plan? Good detective work. And also, “racist”? Really?


@JonathanSwift Bet you wouldn’t eat your own kids, huh? Take that, supposed smartypants. Just blew you up with my fierce mad argument skillz.

@AverageMan – Great handle. Seems appropriate. As I wrote, I have a 9-year-old. He’s too old for this. So, no, we aren’t eating him. But again, folks, we aren’t actually eating ANYONE.


@JonathanSwift I would like to apologize for my fellow Tweeters, good man. We’ve lost our minds. We’ve no critical reading skills. We’ve no sense of humor. We’re easily outraged. You should write about us.

@SocialMedia – Next time I will.

Brian K. Pinaire is a writer, researcher, editor, and former tenured professor of political science at Lehigh University. He holds a BA in politics from Whitman College and a PhD in political science from Rutgers University. Pinaire is the author of THIS IS NOT YOUR FATHER’S FATHERHOOD: a comic memoir, THE CONSTITUTION OF ELECTORAL SPEECH LAW, and over seventy articles in both academic journals and commercial outlets. You can review his published works at

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