America's Most Critical Journal (since 1999)
Are You a Conspiracy Theorist? Take The Test
By Dan Geddes
Are you a conspiracy theorist? Please take this self-test.
If you frequently read internet news, then you may have unwittingly become a "conspiracy theorist."
Please check the box of the answer that you feel best answers the question.
Note: In the interest of national security the right answers are generally not provided.
Question: Who killed President John F. Kennedy?
1. The Warren Commission proved that Lee Harvey Oswald was a Lone Nut assassin. Anyone who disagrees is a Lone Nut conspiracy theorist.
2. The Oswald-acted-alone hypothesis leaves some nagging questions. And if Oswald acted alone, then why would there still be classified documents about the assassination even to this day? There should be nothing to hide.
3. There is some evidence of a cover-up: the “magic bullet” theory, for starters. And if Oswald acted alone, then why would there still be classified documents about the assassination even to this day?
4. LBJ and the CIA did it (or maybe Castro), but it was just an old-fashioned coup d’etat, nothing more sinister than that.
5. A conspiracy of international bankers controls the U.S. Federal Reserve, and They ordered JFK whacked because he began returning the U.S.A. to gold- and silver-backed money, instead of the fraudulent Federal Reserve Notes (“Dollars”) that They now print at will to control the boom/bust economic cycle.
Question: Did the U.S. really land men on the moon in 1969?
1. Of course the U.S. landed men on the moon in 1969. We have all seen the famous Neil Armstrong footage: “One small step for mankind.”
2. Well, maybe they touched up the TV footage a bit, and the first-ever moon-based broadcast was amazingly clear, but still, the U.S. landed on the moon.
3. The moon astronauts, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, were Freemasons who were in on the plot to make a fake moon landing movie.
4. The famous moon landing footage was just a movie, directed by Stanley Kubrick. Kubrick re-used some of the moon landing sets for his classic 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). After all, if America could land on the moon in 1969, then why would NASA have cancelled their plans to go back in 2020? Couldn’t they have kept just one Apollo spacecraft with crude 1960s technology in working order?
5. “That’s no moon! It’s a space station!” The moon itself is older than the earth and is really a space station built by our intergalactic alien masters as a forward outpost to give us the seasons, put us on monthly work cycles, cause women to have their periods, and control the fate of the world. So it really doesn’t matter whether the U.S. landed on the moon in 1969 or not. The aliens were there first.
Question: Princess Diana died because:
1. Diana’s driver got drunk and had a car accident.
2. Diana’s driver got drunk and had a car accident, but there was a cover-up so that certain unsavory facts about the royal family never came to light.
3. MI6 (British Secret Service) killed Diana as a favor to the royal family. The Queen knew that Diana was pregnant, and feared that her possible marriage to Dodi would make him step-father to the future king.
4. Princess Diana faked her own death in order to escape the limelight of constant paparazzi harassment. She still lives in seclusion somewhere, probably France, but sneaks out occasionally in order to perform good deeds.
5. The Illuminati killed Diana and were even confident enough to amuse themselves with ritualistic symbolism, such as crashing her car into the thirteenth pillar in the Pont D’Alma Tunnel in Paris.
Question: Did Bush steal the 2000 election?
1. Bush won, fair and square.
2. It was messy in Florida, but the U.S. Supreme Court ordered the recount in Florida to stop. Justice was served.
3. Bush stole it: Katherine Harris, his Florida campaign manager, gave Florida’s electoral votes to Bush under dubious circumstances; his brother, Jeb Bush, suspiciously was governor of Florida; thousands of blacks were illegally disenfranchised; and an independent media recount later concluded that Gore won Florida and thus the general election.
4. Gore was happy to step aside and let Bush be President, as long as he got to be the poster boy for the fraudulent Global Warming movement, and later make billions selling carbon credits on the Chicago Climate Exchange.
5. Bush taking power was planned long before. The Bush Crime Family worked with the Clintons in the 1980s to smuggle cocaine into the country via an Arkansas airport. They just hand the presidency back and forth to each other like a trophy to continue the illusion that the U.S.A. is a democracy. Look out for Jeb Bush or Hillary Clinton to be President in the future; it’s all part of the plot.
Question:What is the best explanation for the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11, 2001?
1. The Official Story: Everyone knows that Osama bin Laden, from his cave in Afghanistan, orchestrated the nineteen suicidal terrorists to hi-jack four airplanes and slam them into the Twin Towers and the Pentagon.
2. Incompetence: The FAA, the Air Force, and the Bush Administration were all incompetent on 9/11. How could the terrorists hit three buildings within a 50 minute time span without encountering any resistance at all from the mighty multi-billion dollar US Air Force? And afterwards nobody got fired, only promoted? Strange.
3. Cover-up: The Bush Administration is guilty of a cover-up. Bush resisted any investigation about 9/11 and finally allowed a barebones 9/11 investigation (with less than 20% of the budget of the investigation into the Monica Lewinsky affair). The FBI fabricated ridiculous evidence, including Mohamed Atta’s “lost suitcase” containing a Koran, flight manuals, and his will. Another hijacker’s passport was “discovered” unscathed in the burning rubble beneath the twin towers.
4. The Bush Administration knew in advance that the al-Qaeda attacks would take place, but let it happen on purpose to rally America for the never-ending “War on Terror” abroad and to attack Americans’ civil liberties at home.
5. Inside job: President George W. Bush, a cleverly disguised genius, was the criminal mastermind whose administration planned and executed the 9/11 attacks. His cabal’s motives included personal enrichment via no-bid war contracts and control of the Iraqi oil fields. The Bush Administration was in a unique position to order the “stand down” of the U.S. Air Force. Q.E.D.
Question: Did Bush steal the 2004 election?
1. Bush won, fair and square.
2. It was messy in Ohio, but Kerry didn’t contest it and CNN said it was OK. So justice was served.
3. Bush stole it: Ken Blackwell, Bush’s campaign manager in Ohio, gave Ohio’s electoral votes to Bush under dubious circumstances; votes were counted by Diebold and ES&S systems, which are Republican affiliated companies. Kerry won the exit polls in both Ohio and Florida yet somehow lost both states.
4. Bush winning this election had been planned long before. The Bush Crime Family has worked with Kerry before, such as when the Kerry Commission (1987) white-washed the Iran-Contra investigation, and let Ollie North off the hook. Kerry’s conceding the election without a whimper is further proof that the election was only a show for the gullible masses.
5. Bush and Kerry were in the secret society Skull and Bones together at Yale, and so they’re probably in the Illuminati together now, and they’re probably even related by blood, like nearly all U.S. Presidents really are.
Question: Do aliens exist?
1. Nope. No aliens. The universe may be infinite, but all life is here on earth.
2. Yeah, maybe there are aliens. If so, the government hides the evidence from the people.
3. Yes, there are definitely aliens.
4. The U.S. Government maintains underground bases for their secret alien masters, like the bases under the Denver Airport.
5. Yes, there are definitely aliens, and moreover the aliens have disguised themselves as the great royal families, and so have been secretly ruling the earth since the dawn of time.
Select the best explanation:
1. Airplane accidents just happen. If many famous people have died in them, it’s probably just because they fly more often.
2. It is conceivable that some minor airplane accidents have been caused by bad people for political gain. Stuff happens.
3. Paul Wellstone was the only Senator who stood in the way of Bush’s repressive domestic agenda (U.S. PATRIOT Act), so they just had to whack him.
4. JFK, Jr. was set to run against either Hillary Clinton for New York Senator, or even against Bush for President, when he suddenly died in a plane crash in August, 1999—so somebody whacked yet another Kennedy.
5. Nearly every high profile crash (Lockerbie, TWA Flight 800) has been a deliberate sabotage or shoot-down for nefarious political purposes.
Select the best description of the U.S. media today:
1. The United States of America enjoys a free press, an independent objective media featuring robust investigative journalism. The media serves as a viable check on the power of the government.
2. There is occasionally some collusion between the media and the Government, but the media still acts independently.
3. The U.S. media is an effective corporate-government partnership. Five or six corporations control 90% of all media in the U.S.
4. The CIA effectively controls the News, and has at least since the 1950s, when Operation Mockingbird placed CIA operatives or assets into key positions in the media. As former CIA Director William Casey once bragged: “We own everyone of any consequence in the media.”
5. Most U.S. media is a CIA production, whether via front companies or direct control of the Hollywood studios and major record labels.
Question: Who is Barack Obama?
1. Barack Obama is an inspiring Chicago politician, who won the Presidency in 2008 because his message of hope, change and peace resonated with a majority of voters. .
2. President Obama has been disappointing. His Goldman Sachs connections, his expansion of the war in Afghanistan and intervention in Libya are unseemly for a Nobel Peace Prize winner and supposed Tribune of the people.
3. Obama was really born in Kenya, as his own grandmother has claimed.
4. Obama is a Communist, who is working to turn America into a communist state. Obamacare is just the beginning! He is secretly a Muslim. And he wants to take my guns away!
5. The international banking cartel has groomed Obama since birth to one day play the role of the first non-white U.S. President. This explains why he was able to go from a mere Illinois state senator to the U.S. Senate and President-elect in only four years’ time (November 2004 – November 2008).
Question: Does the government utilize secret mind control techniques?
1. Mind Control? That’s just fodder for Hollywood movies and spy novels. Hypnotism is about as far as it goes and the government doesn’t hypnotize anyone.
2. A 1970s congressional committee uncovered that the CIA spent tax dollars on mind control programs, such as the infamous MK-Ultra program in the 1950s, but that’s all over now, thank goodness.
3. Government mind control is now so refined that even famous stars from the movies and music industries (e.g., Madonna, Lady Gaga) are really just mind-controlled sex slaves, used as pawns by the Illuminati, both to influence society, and also for their own personal, sexual gratification.
4. Somebody, somewhere, could just throw a switch (perhaps affecting cellular phone towers), and we would all be instantly mind-controlled. That’s why I usually wear this tin-foil hat.
5. Tin-foil manufacturing companies spread many false conspiracy theories in order to boost their sales of tin-foil to tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theorists.
Question: Which answer best describes the U.S. Dollar:
1. A dollar is a dollar is a dollar.
2. The Federal Reserve (“the Fed”) exercises great control over the money supply, and insiders can take advantage of this. What else is new?
3. The Federal Reserve Bank is not even part of the U.S. Government, but is a privately controlled bank, owned largely by rich families, such as the Rockefellers. That’s why it’s not listed in the government Blue Pages, but as a private bank (with shareholders).
4. The Fed can create boom/bust cycles at will. Inflation represents the government printing more money and issuing more credit. The elite are moving their money out of the dollar into Swiss Francs, gold, land, and commodities before the worthless dollar heads straight into the toilet.
5. Cash will soon be a thing of the past. In the near future we will all be micro-chipped with our bank account numbers. Then if you try to go to an Occupy demonstration, they will just shut off your bank account and you won’t be able to buy food anymore.
Question: Is America (becoming) a Big Brother/1984/Orwellian state?
1. Everything is fine. What is the problem? Only hysterical liberals are concerned about civil liberties. They want the terrorists to win.
2. Sometimes I wish that airport security wouldn’t take such undue pleasure in groping me before I board an airplane.
3. It’s a little unsettling that we are now under video surveillance pretty much everywhere we go, including on highways and city streets. But thank goodness Google Earth doesn’t take pictures of inside our houses. Yet. But the new drones flying over America are starting to do it. Bummer.
4. Ok, I admit it: pretty much everything we do and buy is tracked, especially on the internet. America is already a Big Brother society in all essentials.
5. The Internet is really just the U.S. Department of Defense’s computer network. They’re just letting us use it so they can track down the dissidents and later put them in FEMA detention centers.
Question: Which of the following best describes how the world works?
1. Stuff happens.
2. Money makes the world go round. Thus, rich people have more power to influence events than other people.
3. Nothing really important happens—murder, arson, war—unless somebody somewhere is making money from it.
4. The Super Rich meet to discuss and plan world events, but luckily for the rest of us, internal fighting keeps them from exercising absolute control over the masses.
5. The Super Rich conspire to create a One World Government ruled via multinational corporations with only nominal democratic influence.
1. One World Government? That would be great! Then there wouldn’t be any more wars and everyone would be equal! It would embody the same fine democratic principles found in the U.S. today.
2. One World Government? The nations of the world will never give up their power to a centralized authority.
3. The United Nations is a stalking horse for One World Government. The plan is to use foreign troops, especially in America, since foreign troops will be happy to fire on American protestors and dissidents.
4. The Illuminati are first planning World War III between America, Russia and China. After that the people will be ready for Global Government.
5. One World Government has been planned by the Ruling Families for centuries; even Nostradamus knew the master schedule and left clues in his work. Technological advances have finally put the dream within their grasp.
Calculate Your Conspiracy Theorist Score Here (Press Button)
Test Results: Am I a Conspiracy Theorist?
For each question, the answer number (the number before the answer) is also the point score (answer #1 is worth 1 point up to answer #5 worth 5 points). Divide by the number of questions (15). This average is your score.
Evaluating Your Test Results
0 to 1.5. Safely in the Mainstream. Whew, you are not a conspiracy theorist. Most likely you just watch Fox News or CNN and still somehow feel you are an informed citizen. If you scored less than 1, then you did not even answer all the questions, showing your utter contempt for conspiracy nonsense.
1.6 to 2.2. You are not a conspiracy theorist! Maybe you have read a few stories from the alternative press. You were briefly outraged by the injustice of it all, but you will live out your days comfortably in the mainstream.
2.3 to 3.2. Borderline case. You have an interest in alternative explanations. You are out of the mainstream, but America is still a free country, right?
3.3 to 4. Conspiracy Theorist! You actual prefer a conspiracy theory to other explanations. For you, the mainstream media is basically disinformation. You read way too much internet “news.” Try to go outside a little more.
4. to 5. Paranoid Conspiracy Theorist! Bona fide tinfoil hat wearer! You are compulsively attracted to comprehensive conspiracy theories that try to explain the seemingly random violence in the world.
Because world events are chaotic and disturbing, people take comfort in the thought that events are still under control by someone, even if by a super-wealthy elite that may even be a front for aliens that want to kill us all.
While we could not always present the correct answers to these mysteries of recent history, at least you can now see where you stand on the psychological spectrum of conspiracy theorists.