Mitt Romney wins Nobel Prize in Literature

Monday, September 9th, 2013

Published 5 years ago -

In an unprecedented move, the Nobel Literature committee gave its Literature award to Mitt Romney, praising his six-year campaign for the White House as “Dadaist performance art” and “theatre of the absurd of the highest order not seen since Brecht.”

Nobel committee chairman Gustav Nielsen cited Romney’s “repeated, seemingly insensitive foot-in-mouth moments as misunderstood jewels of post-modernist art.”

“Never before has a public figure said so many words without conveying any meaning. Future linguists will see Romney’s campaign as a decisive change in the use of the English language.”

“Romney’s antics on the political stage surpass even George W. Bush’s apocalyptic vaudeville.”

As with his recent Nobel Peace Prize, Romney will use the $1.5 million in prize money to help start a new private equity bank with which to buy up companies and lay off most of their employees.

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