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NFL to Replace Replacement Officials with Actual Zebras

Amid the controversies caused by questionable rulings of replacement officials, the National Football League and commissioner Roger Goodell have decided to substitute actual zebras in place of the replacements refs for the remainder of the season.

“It was an easy decision to make,” states Goodell. “These zebras understand the rule book at least as well as those other guys, and paying them in zebra feed is a lot cheaper even than what we were paying the replacements.”

The decision to cut replacement officials was made after questionable calls that decided both the Sunday and Monday night primetime games in Week 3. Goodell also hopes that showing the regular officials that their job can be done by animals will help to speed up the current labor dispute.

New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick commented on the decision, saying “Us coaches were basically making all the calls anyway, so I don’t really anticipate a huge impact on the game outcomes from this change. Although, a zebra might be a little harder to chase down and grab if I don’t like his call.”

Goodell announced this decision to the league’s owners and coaches in a formal memo, which also asked that the players and coaches treat the zebras with the same respect and authority that they would the regular officials. The memo also concluded with “PS: Does anyone know what the hell zebras eat?”