America's Most Critical Journal since 1999
By William Craig Rice Since you won’t have me as your man, Imagine I’m a dog Who’s always gaga to see you And get taken for a jog. I’m accustomed to the leash you snap, No longer tug or chew. Obedience-training was brutal, But forged my love for you. T... More »
As boorish as it sounds I have to say That there is An element of silliness In the classical male ballet. I mean What exactly Is the point Of jumping high into the air And banging your ankles together Like a demented au pair? And forget the full basket And chi... More »
High-Tech Saint Nick Saint Nicholas arrived in Amsterdam, aboard a shiny new ship, looking old as Father Abraham, after his long, tempestuous trip. “To navigate the stormy seas is tough for any old man. I used old maps—no... More »
By Dan Geddes 1) The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want to talk to liberals. 2) He maketh me lie down in untaxed green pastures: he leadeth me to the clear waters of pro-Gun states where I can shoot deer or thieves as God intended; no one shall take my ... More »
By David Alpaugh 16 September 2014 Obama says ISIL, the Media ISIS. Both sides agree that the world’s in a crisis. ISIL! ISIS! SCHMISIL! SCHMISIS! Let’s call the whole thing off. Barak adores air strikes, abominates boot spikes. He thinks Iraq likes to... More »
By William Craig Rice I Why do I marvel when the faithless stray, when friends whom I supposed completely safe against belief go falling for a god? If memory serves, their doubt was no façade, not some timid catechismal phase. It was emancipation underway! ... More »
A Psalm of Sarah By Becky Garrison 27 May 2014 1 The atheist is my enemy, he knows nothing. 2 I make him lie down in gray prisons, I beat him till he gives in, 3 I kick in his soul. I whip him toward the right paths for Jesus’ name’s sake. 4 Even t... More »
By Stephen Bluestone 27 October 2013 Eliminate all government restrictions on the production and sale of pharmaceutical products and medical devices. This means no more Food and Drug Administration, which presently hinders innovation and increases costs. Costs... More »
by David Alpaugh A slick politician named Edwards When he saw his campaign going bedwards Cried, “Wife, dying of cancer, If you’ll be my dancer, I’ll be yours until you go deadwards. # See http://www.davidalpaugh.com for David Alpaugh’s... More »
By Connolly Ryan Eerily guardless at this ungodly hour, the palace seems pale and lost as a human baby in a fake jungle. Now bust into it and dismantle whatever’s left of its moral clarity. The air is pungent with gastrointestinal spices: a proboscis meets h... More »
by David Alpaugh The 5th century B.C. philosopher Zeno is famous for proving the impossibility of getting from point A to Z because one must first get halfway there; then halfway again; and so on, forever. Recent excavation in Zeno’s hometown of Elea, in sou... More »