America's Most Critical Journal since 1999
by Dan Geddes While conspiracy theorists often imagine billionaires meeting together in secrecy to plan the future of the world, billionaires themselves scoff at this idea. Based on a recent Washington Chronicle survey of the approximately 1,000 billionaires i... More »
US Navy plagued by rash of submarine thefts by children Barry Sierer KING’S BAY, GEORGIA – Lance Corporal William Jenson was not surprised when he saw Noah Jones running and giggling down the pier towards the missile submarine USS South Carolina, e... More »
CLEVELAND – Five area children have been charged with extortion after an area woman called the police to complain that she was terrified of Halloween trick-or-treaters. The five children, aged 7 through 11, and all dressed as Mitt Romney, have been released ... More »
In an unprecedented move, the Nobel Literature committee gave its Literature award to Mitt Romney, praising his six-year campaign for the White House as “Dadaist performance art” and “theatre of the absurd of the highest order not seen since ... More »
CHEYENNE, WYOMING – Former Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin shot former Vice President Dick Cheney in the face yesterday in what is being called a “tragic hunting accident.” Palin was visiting the former Vice President Cheney in order to c... More »
by R.J. Chesterfield * List had grown to encompass Walmart, health spas, local rest home * Despite shaming, businesses thrive on impulsive service members * Previous lists believed to have fingered ‘al-Qaeda sleeper cells’ ______________ FAYETTEVIL... More »
GENEVA – Despite an enjoyable summer in elite resorts, the world’s political and economic leaders are planning to resume screwing up the world again in early September. “The world community has had a nice six-week break from our destructive polic... More »
By Adam Braff Thomas Kinkade’s pleas to be reincarnated have been refused by the Supreme Past-Life Council. “We’ll never let that happen again!” said Lord Shiva on the steps of the Grand Palace this morning. “As long as I remain divine minister of t... More »
By Dan Geddes CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS – Doctors at the prestigious Massachusetts Medical Research Labs (MMRL) have announced their discovery of a “stoner gene”—a genetic sequence that predisposes people to seek out the THC high that comes from smo... More »
WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration today restated its position that “Syria should never be admitted to the Eurovision Song Contest as long as President Assad remains in power.” President Hollande of France gave strong support to the US’s... More »
By David Elliott LONDON – ‘I was always brought up to believe that every dog has its day. I’ve been looking forward to mine for years. So where is it?’ Butch Descartes, a geriatric Labrador from the East London area, has become the centre of controve... More »
By Dan Geddes WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration announced today its new policy of quartering US troops and domestic security agents in private residences “for the safety of the people in these dangerous times.” Known as “Support the... More »