You Don’t Have to Know Much to Do Government Work

President Trump, a stable genius with an IQ higher than that of Albert Einstein and an instinct for always making the right moves, wants to drain the DC swamp of experts and experienced people and replace them with loyalists and individuals clueless about how government works. The following four Trump appointees fit these creative requirements to a tee.

Elon Musk was a dream pick to be a senior adviser to the president on DOGE, as Musk, like Trump, enjoys blowing things up and letting the chips fall where they may—Musk’s social media post about putting a federal agency into a wood chipper shows his liking for having chips fly all over the place. Musk entered his job saying he would cut federal spending by two trillion dollars. To accomplish that he fired federal employees with abandon. After 130 days, the world’s richest man left his position $1.86 trillion (his estimate) short of his goal and a reputation in tatters, proving you don’t have to know much to do government work. All you need is a supply of ketamine, Ecstasy, and psychedelic mushrooms, a complete absence of empathy, and a president that will spin whatever you do as a win.

We all want transparency in government and President Trump has given us that by appointing Pete Hegseth Secretary of Defense. When the US military was about to bomb the Houthis in Yemen, Hegseth, seeking to show how transparent the Defense Department would be under his watch, disclosed secret war plans on a commercial messaging app that included a journalist and who knows how many others who were able to hack the app. Senator Jack Reed of Rhode Island, the Ranking Member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, said, “this story represents one of the most egregious failures of operational security and common sense I have ever seen.” What an idiot!!! Everybody knows transparency trumps security and common sense. Some say Hegseth also told his dry cleaner, chauffeur, and the guy that puts on his makeup before he goes on television.

Who but a person careless enough to leave her purse lying around while dining in a restaurant and having it stolen would you want to head the Department of Homeland Security. Happily for America, Kristi Noem is such a person, an individual strikingly negligent about keeping her personal property safe (in her defense, other than her apartment keys, passport, driver’s license, DHS badge, medication, blank checks, and $3,000 in cash, there wasn’t anything of real value to be vigilant about in her purse). During a Senate Hearing, Noem masterfully demonstrated how little she has upstairs by not knowing what habeas corpus means (in her defense, who speaks Latin anymore?). An all-star ignoramus on so many levels, and an unapologetic killer of her 14-month old dog (in her defense, she said it was a tough decision), Noem is totally loyal to President Trump, which makes her, ipso facto, a perfect choice for public service.

Employing audacious, brilliant, out-of-the-box thinking, Trump chose Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., a man with laughable management experience, little scientific understanding, and no interest in scientific data to be Secretary of Health and Human Services. The genius in this appointment is the scorn it shows for the health and well-being of the American people and the opportunity it presents for the citizens of this great republic to spurn accepted medical knowledge and lifesaving vaccines and instead give their fealty to a quack appointed by Donald Trump, a man more into money than health—and for good reason, as only money can buy you a membership at Mar-a-Lago or at a Trump golf club. For Trump, an honorable, upstanding kleptocrat who believes the way to good health is having a healthy portfolio, it doesn’t much matter who’s in charge of an agency that deals with such niggling matters as improving the physical and mental health of Americans. The head of the Fed? That’s a different story.