cautiously pessimistic: If, for example, a bad guy – like, say, a Charles Manson or a Jeffrey Dahmer – is injured but not doing that badly, doctors might say, “Well, unfortunately, he’s doing okay. So, right now, we’re just cautiously pessimistic.”
hexting: Texting a jinx, bad luck, on someone. It may not work, of course, but hey, it will at least let the recipient know how you feel. And if, by some bizarre chance, bad luck does befall them, just think what it will do for your reputation…how much others will fear you.
love crime: A crime that’s committed specifically because the victim is a member of the perpetrator’s race, religion or sexual orientation and performs some heinous act the perp doesn’t approve of – e.g., a gay man who doesn’t moisturize after showering.
BFFN: Best Friend For Now. C’mon, isn’t that infinitely more realistic than Forever? Who knows what could happen? What if, for example, your BFF goes to bed with your lover? Or aces you out of that sitcom role? And becomes your BFF who F’d you. With BFFN you can just move smoothly on to another BFFN. And, if need be, another. Etc.
uncorrectional facility: Face it, there are those who can never be rehabilitated…who are hardened in their beliefs, however questionable they may be…who are incapable of change. Consider, if you will, Hitler, Bin Laden, many of the members of Congress.
Ledge Fund: Some funds are so risky, their holdings have been known to occasionally fall precipitously, many stocks actually dropping to their ultimate demise. Just as many investors are rumored to have done in 1929. (Well, maybe the investors didn’t really drop to the ground, but their lifestyles certainly did.)
antisocial distancing: Invading someone’s space, like getting too close to the next person in line at the supermarket, say, or, at a presidential debate following your opponent around the stage too closely.
“Until deciding otherwise do us part”: Really, “Until death?” (Just as starry-eyed as BFF.) The divorce rate in the U.S. is almost 50%. Let’s get real. You’re lucky if you make it to menopause. (Yes, there is a male menopause, too.)
OM?: Roughly 20% of Americans describe themselves as agnostics/atheists, who question the existence of God. Shouldn’t they be entitled to an appropriate text abbreviation? Isn’t that the Christian thing to do? As oxymoronic as it sounds.
Bramance: Hey, if men can have a “Bromance,” why shouldn’t women also have a name for a close nonsexual relationship? Yeah, sure, women have been engaging in this type of partnership since forever, even as children walking down the street holding hands, so why give it a name now? Simple, it’s the twenty-first century, and everything has to have a name.