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Humpty Dumpty Is President of the USA

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.

Though our contemporary Humpty Dumpty may never have been as completely together as the original, there’s a long and astonishing history that can’t possibly be just coincidence. Humpty Dumpty is here today, immediately and obviously recognizable; now in February 2019!

French texts in the early 17th century translate mere oye as Mother Goose, but even further back in the 10th century, the French claim King Robert II’s wife taught children those rhymes. The French story is bolstered by the fact that the French poet Charles Perrault published a collection of Mother Goose rhymes in 1697. About 30 years later, Perrault’s book was translated into English as Robert Samber’s Histories or Tales of Past Times Told by Mother Goose. Samber’s collection turned up in the United States in the late 18th century; just as we were writing our Constitution.

The English have entirely different sources for Humpty Dumpty. They trace him back to the 14th century when Humpty Dumpty was used as a nickname for large people. Large people plus a nickname! An amazingly visionary historian discovered that link.

The citizens of the town of Colchester, a cathedral city in the 15th century; known for the name of its most famous church, St. Mary’s By the Wall, believe that Humpty Dumpty was a cannon on the roof of St. Mary’s. They don’t mention that the cannon was a loose one, but only that it severely damaged the attacking troops in the English Civil War. On an unspecified date in July, neither the cannon-shooter known as One-Eyed Jack Thomson nor the cannon survived Humpty Dumpty’s fall. The FALL! On an August day in 1648, the Royalists laid down their weapons; opened the Colchester gates and surrendered to the Parliamentarians.

Not all England agrees that Humpty Dumpty was a cannon. A few historians think Humpty Dumpty was King Charles the First himself. Charles had fought Parliament about almost everything, and after the Civil War battle was won by the Parliamentarians, the King’s army (the Cavaliers; including all the King’s horses and all the King’s men) failed to return the power of Charles the First. Shortly thereafter, Charles was executed for treason; then defined as a high crime.

Another English view says the rhyme refers to King Richard III, so eager to become king that he had his two nephews imprisoned and later murdered in the Tower of London. Shakespeare’s play popularized that idea. The nephews, of course, were the rightful heirs to the throne. After King Richard III lost the Battle of Bosworth, he became even more deranged than he’d been before.

Still another historian firmly believes Cardinal Wolsey was the original Humpty Dumpty; called that because he was dismissed as an advisor by Henry VIII, who also rid himself of Thomas More. Both men had long been Henry’s best and most trustworthy friends until Henry met Anne Boleyn, who detested Cardinal Wolsey. In order to marry her, Henry fired Wolsey and More. Excommunicated from the Catholic Church, Henry then founded his own religion.

More recently, Humpty Dumpty became an egg in Lewis Carroll’s sequel to Alice in Wonderland. In Through the Looking Glass, Humpty Dumpty is not always presented as what Americans once called a good egg. He seems about to topple off the wall for good.

Public good. Here’s Lewis Carroll’s view.

It’s very provoking, Humpty Dumpty said after a long silence, looking away from Alice as he spoke “to be called an egg—very!.

In Boston, many people like the legend of Elizabeth Foster Goose (or perhaps Mary Goose) writing all those nursery rhymes. It seems that each Mother Goose entertained her grandchildren with the poems, inventing them for special occasions. Both candidates for Mother Goose were late 17th century citizens of Massachusetts.

A  Mother Goose also wrote There Was a Crooked Man, and he walked a crooked mile, He found a crooked sixpence against a crooked stile; He bought a crooked cat which caught a crooked mouse. And they all lived together in a little crooked house.

True devotees of visionary poets, story-tellers and historians might also refresh their memories with There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do. She gave them broth without any bread; And whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

Humpty Dumpty easily could have been the inspiration for all three Mother Goose verses and the matching history of Humpty Dumptys.

 

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