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US Unemployment Drops to 0%

By Dan Geddes

The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported today that the U.S. unemployment rate, which last quarter stood at 8.2%, has dropped to 0%.

The BLS explained that the US labor force has contracted by about 8.2% since the last quarter. “More Americans are choosing to spend time with their families, instead of looking for work,” explained BLS spokesman Johnny Divideus.

“Everyone who really really wants a job in America now has one,” proclaimed President Obama. “Those who don’t have a job must not want it badly enough.”