America's Most Critical Journal (since 1999)



Man Who Developed Great Abs Says Life is the Same

By Dan Geddes

CLEVELAND Ė John Jaker, 45, a local man who has finally developed great abdominal muscles after years of effort, says his life is basically the same.

ďI still canít believe it! Iíve been trying to get fit my whole life. When I finally got a six pack [a term for having six visibly well-defined abdominal muscles] I thought I would have a lot more confidence. I thought I would get a raise at work. I thought that women would be falling all over themselves for me and my steaming hot abs.Ē

ďInstead my life is the same. I got the same crappy job. Iím a little more confident. But Iím still not meeting women. Not even on the internet. Instead, I seem to be attracting a lot of middle-age guys. Itís not what I wanted at all!Ē Jaker lamented.

ďAt least I was able to put a photo of my own abs on, instead of that stock photo of a guy with good abs that Iíve been using on my profile for years.Ē

ďItís like my abs donít even matter except when Iím at the beach. But here in Cleveland, I donít go to the beach much anyway.Ē

ďI try to take my shirt off as much as possible in parks and stuff. And some women check me out. But I think the problem is that my face still looks forty-five, so hot women in their twenties donít even give me a second look.Ē

ďSo I say: Beware of those false claims about abdominal machines and all those exercise gadgets. Their claims are not true! Even while sporting a rock hard set of abs, I am basically lonely and miserable. And now if I donít keep working out an hour per day, I will lose my precious abs!Ē

Jaker is considering starting a website to further expose the false claims made by manufacturers of abdominal exercise equipment.