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Germany Prepares to Prosecute Millions for Insulting Donald Trump in 2017
By Dan Geddes
9 December 2016
BERLIN – Germany’s law against insulting the leaders of foreign governments will be put to the ultimate test when billionaire Twitter personality Donald Trump is sworn in as President of the United States in January 2017.
Insulting President-Elect Donald Trump has become a favorite pastime and even personal crusade for millions of disillusioned people across the world. Many Germans view Trump’s crass expression of his troglodytic weltanschauung as a new all-time low in the history of Western political discourse.
An estimated 75% of the Germany’s eighty million people have a negative opinion of Mr. Trump, with fully half the people likely to vocalize their intense negative feelings toward the President-Elect.
Angela Merkel spokeswoman Geli Tripping predicted what could happen in 2017: “Based on our social media surveillance and other intelligence gathering we anticipate that at least 20 million Germans will publicly insult President-Elect Donald Trump some time after he assumes office in January 2017.”
Tripping continued: “Mr. Trump is a notoriously litigious man. His lawyers are very bright people and are aware of the German law against insulting foreign rulers. We are afraid that Trump will bring suit against the millions of Germans who are likely to insult him on various social media platforms in the coming year. Trump will probably make Erdogan look like a pussy cat, or at least a friendly goat, in the scale of his litigiousness.”
Tripping continued: “It is a pity that we didn’t manage to change this law before Mr. Trump assumes the Presidency. We are working on it, but will not repeal this law in time. Prosecuting millions of citizens for insulting the next U.S. President will put a big strain on our legal system. Putting millions of people in jail for their offensive speech could have a negative impact on our economy and our prospects for future growth.”
“But the law is the law,” stated Tripping. “Just as we started commencing legal action against Herr Böhmermann for insulting President Erdogan of Turkey, so we must bring legal action against the millions of Germans who will undoubtedly insult President Trump.”
Dan Geddes is the editor of The Satirist. Geddes' satire and serious criticism has been widely cited in books, high school and university courses, academic papers, newspapers, and websites. Geddes has written for the Cleveland Plain Dealer, the Dry Bones Review, and GlossyNews.com. He lives in Amsterdam.